Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
