I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
