he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So much rum. So many feels.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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