Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
