I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
