Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
