it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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