the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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