Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
