did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
