If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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