Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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