so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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