Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
