awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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