If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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