He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
