it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
