Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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