No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A+ Viking dick
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
