So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
