Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
