He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
