it was like his penis was on wheels.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
