I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
