Too much gin, very little bucket
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
