Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
