i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
