Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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