dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
