Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
