Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My penis needs a shock collar
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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