so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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