Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
