I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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