What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
