so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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