We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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