Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
