Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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