it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
