Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
