i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
