like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
