Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
