I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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