I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He has the fingertips of a God
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