Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
