Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
