I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
