How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
