is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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