Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
