Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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