My hand turned me down
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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