I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
