Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
