Tell her she can't have a vagina
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
