I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
