when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
