If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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