She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
