If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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