and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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