you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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