I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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