after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
