Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
