We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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